vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
