So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
