I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
