Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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