she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
