Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
