It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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