worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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