she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
