I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
