We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
