we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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