Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Jerry, you need to find god
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Actions speak louder than pants.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
