lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
