Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
