Can Purell be used as lube?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
