fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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