I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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