She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
