my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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