I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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