wakey wakey hands off snakey
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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