Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
