You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
