DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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