3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
