perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's never too late to be topless.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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