My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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