found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
