He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
