In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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