I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
