Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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