after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
