How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
