i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
