After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
