i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
