So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
