P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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