I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
