Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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