Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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