Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
