Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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