the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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