What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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