John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
