Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
