did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
MIDGETS
????
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
