Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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