so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
